


both sides of the mirror

by iniquiticity



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb's worlds are colliding, Essek Week (Critical Role), Essek Week 2020: Spy/Wizard, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:27:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23412337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iniquiticity/pseuds/iniquiticity
Summary: "You don't need to be coy with it, Essek," Astrid said, "We think that our purposes would be better served without Trent Ikithon."
Comments: 4
Kudos: 67





	both sides of the mirror

He was awoken in the middle of the night by the familiar voice in his head: _Could you come to my tower, alone, please?_

Essek. Asking for him alone, and he could imagine Veth and Beau frowning at him, with concern, but he went. He held the bells on the door as he opened it, slipping through the persistently-dark Xorhas streets. The door on the gate opened for him as he arrived, and the door on the tower, and then the door above the sitting room, and then another, and then another. He went up and up and up through the towers, until he was near the top, and the door was shut. 

A knock and it opened, and he stared. 

There she was, sitting in a comfortable-looking chair, a cup of tea in her lap. She was wearing a dark, well-fitted tunic and breeches underneath. 

He couldn't move. His lips folded around her name but no sound came out. 

"Would you like some tea?" Essek said, and Caleb startled, and finally saw Essek there as well, sitting next to her. He always looked a little strange without his mantle. 

She lifted a hand and gave him a little wave. "Good evening, Bren," she said, with a tender little smile, and then took a sip of tea. 

He forced his legs to move towards the chair, and only then did he nod. He couldn't look away from her. He couldn't believe it. How could she be here? Was this a trap? 

"Astrid and I are discussing some matters of succession," Essek said, and out of the corner of his eye he watched the drow sit, a teapot pouring some tea into a cup and it being placed in front of a third chair, obviously for him. 

"You don't need to be coy with it, Essek," Astrid said, and they were having a conversation, really talking, so it was a very convincing illusion if it was one, and it sounded just like her, and there was the little smile at the corner of his mouth, like there had always been, a long time ago. She took another sip of her tea and watched him sit. "We think that our purposes would be better served without Trent Ikithon." 

Caleb swallowed. He grasped only loosely onto the thread of his sanity. How could they both be here, in this room, right now? 

"This," he said, not even bothering with the teacup due to the shaking hands, "Is unexpected." 

Astrid tilted her head, the smile still there. She took another sip of her tea, made an appreciative glance at Essek, and then back at him. Even though he knew -- knew, without a shadow of a doubt that she was cruel, and monstrous, and carried out the job he loathed and had destroyed him, that she was part of an organization that -- that made things like him, that made things like her -- that even knowing that Ikithon had lied to him she continued doing --

\-- he couldn't stop thinking she was beautiful. 

"Our goals and aims are actually remarkably similar," she said, "I've found Essek to be a very enjoyable companion." 

"You knew Astrid, a long time ago, I'm told?" Essek asked. 

Caleb noddded, becuase that was all he could do. His insides felt impossibly dense and his mouth was dry. He wished Caduceus was here to provide some wisdom. Caduceus would know what to say, what to do, if this was good, if it was worthwhile. He wished for Jester and Beau and Veth and Yasha and Fjord. Just him now, staring at his past and his future, watching them conspire.

"We don't have a use for you yet in our plan," Astrid was saying, "But we both can both imagine ways that you might be able to help, so we wanted you to know that such things are going on." 

"what..." It took him a moment to make the thoughts into words, compress them into air, press them through his vocal cords and make the sounds with his mouth, "He is. Very powerful." 

"So are we," Essek said, "And he is not invincible. We don't intend to have this come down to a battle. That would be adverse to our interests." 

"What... are your interests?" Caleb managed. He was talking now. His throat was working. The fog was clearing, just a bit. "I.... yes, I want to see him gone. He is a poison, a curse, a wound. Let me know how I can help." 

"I expect more from the Assembly's research on the beacon and dunamancy," Essek said, the teapot pouring more tea into his cup, "And I'm told there is more, which has not been shared, and I'd like to eliminate those barriers, one at a time. I don't feel confident yet about Ludinus, but there steps to take for that. And Astrid, my understanding is, dislikes the path she is ordered to walk, and would like to modify that. Our goals are the same." 

Caleb gasped in a sharp breath. Maybe he had misjudged her. Maybe she wanted to escape -- it, this, her, the training. Maybe -- 

"Tell me more?" he said, looking at Astrid. 

"There are missions I'd like to undertake which I don't presently have time for," she said, "About the Empire, about the other factions on our land, about the Volstrecker. My duties for Ikithon don't permit me time for these missions, and while I could wait, I don't see a reason to, if other opportunities present themselves." She looked at Essek and smiled.

"Let me know how I can assist," he said, and they nodded. 

*** 

_I'm sure,_ he told the Nein, _that this is not an altruistic action for either of them. They want power and he is an obstacle. She is vicious, and cruel, and does things that are unconscionable. And yet -- to think him, dead --_

In the end none of them liked it but the thought of helping Ikithon was too repulsive. They acknowledged that they were part of the plan; that they helped her by doing nothing; that they knew she had ill intentions. They knew Essek had done terrible things, had called himself selfish, had been involved in torture.

 _If they need me I will come,_ Caleb had said. 

** 

A while later they were in the Cobalt Reserve in Zadash and Caleb saw her. She did not appear to be working, for some definition of the word, becuase she was wearing a beautiful dress, informal enough not to draw attention but just nice enough to denote status. The dress had long sleeves which flowed down past her hands in elegant waves. 

She was talking to one of the archivists when they walked in. Beau was still walking in front of him; she hasn't noticed he'd stopped. She didn't know what Astrid looked like. 

Next to Astrid was a handsome, intensely pale elf, his hair pleated into a neat braid down his back. His long ears were pierced in several places with familiar jewelry and Caleb gasped, and only then did Beau turn around and look at him.

She must have asked what was wrong, but he didn't hear her. Instead the elf turned around and fixed grey eyes on him and he knew, knew, knew, knew. 

"Oh!" Astrid said, in a pleasant, un-Astrid voice. She sounded like someone she wasn't. She sounded like a spy, like a liar, like a woman playing a long game. Caleb didn't understand it, but he could feel it being played. They had some plan. They really were going to murder Ikithon. "Have you never seen a pallid elf before, sir?"

The elf - Essek, Caleb's brain was screaming - smiled and bowed his head. "We are new to exploring, but it is a pleasure, sir," he said, with a strong accent. There was a pause, as he took in Caleb's clothes, "Have you ever been to the Soltryce Academy, sir? I come to meet the arcanists of your fair empire." 

"Only briefly," he managed, and Beau was staring at them, only evidently barely resisting asking what the fuck was going on. 

"Well," Astrid said, "There are a lot of things to see before we go to Rexxentrum. If we're lucky, some of the Cereberus Aassembly leaders will be there." 

"Good -- good day, sir and ma'am," he said, and watched the archivist take the two of them on a tour. 

"The fuck?" Beau asked, as soft as she could, when he came over. 

Caleb shook his head. "Later," 

He felt a little guilty, about his daydreams, about their infiltration, about their mission, about their plans, and what their success might look like. A strange jealousy, that he might not be there. Even so, he could not help the new and impossible strange mote of _something_ \- not quite pleasure - that hummed in his chest when he thought of them working together. And for such a cause, too.

**Author's Note:**

> as always, i can be reached on tumblr at [iniquiticity](http://iniquiticity.tumblr.com), or on twitter at [@iniquiticity](https://twitter.com/iniquiticity)


End file.
